12 Years - Through A Window

It's been a crazy week... crazy month... heck, even a crazy year.  So many changes.  Hayden passed in April, and I'm still trying to figure out what that means.  Kids married and on missions and my second year just finished in a new school.  This year I've sold a truck (for a $7000 loss), finally finished (for the second time in a year) my basement that was flooded last July, and have had legal issues with the divorce decree.  There's been a lot of good too.  Brenden married Ashlee last July, I'm six months into a pretty cool relationship, and I have some pretty amazing friends, kids and people in my life.

But now... it's time.
Time for NEW.
Time for FRESH START.

12 years is a long time.  I've never lived in a place for this long during any part of my life until now.  This little house in Lehi has seen its fair share of just about everything.  Kids, laughing, dancing, singing, fights, late nights, early mornings, winters, snow, summers, gardens, pets, cooking, sewing, sticky floors, vacations, new hardwood...

Right now I'm mentally already in the new house... and coming back to the Lehi home to work on packing or repairs feels like a lot of work.  I don't want to work on a yard that I won't benefit from... so I spend my yard work time in Herriman.  But yesterday, after having mowed the yard, Ed said "That might be the last time you have to mow this place"... and then it hit me.  I'm leaving.  I'm leaving this place that I fell in love with in 2004 when I saw the hardwood, the kitchen and the garden spot.  I'm leaving this place that has been painted so many times with OOPS paint from Home Depot.  I'm leaving the only home that Aspen has known for the past 9 years.  The home that saw me start and end a relationship, raise and send off kids, plant and tend to flowers.

I stood in the shower yesterday, looking out into the yard as I've done a thousand times.  I've done it in all kinds of weather... snow, rain, heat, and falling leaves.  I've watched the yard and tree and trampoline through that window.  Taken in the smells of the day through that window.  Watched Aspen jump on the tramp while I showered.  12 years... through a window.  I'm going to miss that window... and life through it.  (not the trailer park I get to look at through the window however :)

There will be a series of LASTS... last mowing, last dinner in the house, last time sleeping there.  I just want to make sure I TRULY appreciate them while they are here... because very soon, I'll look back and long for them.  I've put a lot of love and heart into this little place.  I'm just hoping someone after me enjoys some of the same things I've left behind... and appreciates the little pieces of my heart that this house will always have.

There was a girl...

Brenden and me with Ashlee's family

                     Soooo... Brenden likes this girl.  She's pretty much adorable, and on Monday night I got the opportunity to go meet her family and walk to the "Tree of Life" in Draper with them.   What a fun bunch of people.  After walking, FREEZING, playing tag on the playground equipment, and getting thrown into the snow by Brenden (and dragging him into the snow with me), we walked back to their house for hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls.  The weather was crazy getting there... closed freeway and snow blown roads... but what a fun night!

Until 2016...

I said goodbye to this kiddo last Wednesday.  It's been a hard couple of days before he left.  I noted that it would be the last night I could call and talk to him, the last morning that I could send him music, the last time I could cut his hair or rub lotion on his poor chapped hands.

It was good to see that he and his brother have grown so much closer since Brenden has been home than before they were when Brenden left two years ago.  Aspen just thinks Wade walks on water, but the entirety of the day didn't hit her until we had left the airport and she sobbed and sobbed.

I, of course, am a huge big baby and cry over EVERYTHING... and this was no exception.

I cried over our last selfie.
I cried over his smell that I won't have for awhile.
I cried just to touch him.

I've already had days when I just thought, "oh, Wade would love this song, I'll call him".  Somehow letters just don't send the same sentiment.  Emails might, but the stinker hasn't sent an email to his mother, and I'm going on 9 days.

If I don't get one soon (today) I think I'm planning an emergency trip to Mexico just to check on him.

Some Facebook love from my boy

When Brenden says "I'm going to post something on facebook and just wanted to give you a heads up", I tend to get a little bit nervous.  This is what I found when I got on to check it out.

I love this boy.

Just wanted to take the chance to thank the lady who brought me into this world for all that she's done for me. She lets me play my drum set in her basement, she makes delicious dinner and best of all, she's even prettier now than she was then.
‪#‎afro‬ ‪#‎mum‬ ‪#‎hawt‬

 — with Tonia Snow Fraser.

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  You, Morgan Oxborrow, Karalyn White, Steven Wade Oxborrow and 105 others like this.
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  Morgan Oxborrow Awe. This is cute.

  November 2 at 9:15pm · Unlike · 3
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  Michelle McPherson what a great son!

  November 2 at 9:55pm · Unlike · 1
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  Becky Thomas I just really love seeing Tonia supporting BYU.  Go Cougs!

  November 2 at 10:43pm · Edited · Unlike · 5
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  Shonna Wabel Snodgrass Love it!!!! Your hair was and still is AWESOME!!!! This is great and for the record, it's Union Cougars not BYU!!!! Right Tonia!

  November 3 at 4:14am · Unlike · 1
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  Tracy A Watkins How sweet! What a great boy. Tonia Snow Fraser. I agree. Love you sis.

  November 3 at 6:11am · Unlike · 1
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Gratitude should not be an annual event (note to self)

I was out for my run today, and my heart was full, and I was thinking about all the great and amazing things in my life.  I thought "I need to write these down, before I forget how much I sometimes take them for granted".  So while the rest of the house is in bed full of turkey and pie from the day, I am sitting in bed, intent on not letting my thoughts be forgotten.

This year has been a crazy year with so many changes, so many accomplishments, so many ups and downs.  This had made me come to appreciate some things this year that have heretofore gone unnoticed.

Thoughts of gratitude from my run (in no particular order) (and not all inclusive... just what came to me while running):
1) My kids.  They are as different as the seasons, but each bring its own beauty as the seasons do, as well.
2) Morgan.  I have been able to spend more time with my oldest this past few months, and I forgot how much I love her.  She sometimes makes me want to strangle her, and I know she sometimes thinks I am crazy/weird, but I just really have enjoyed getting to know her again.
3) Running.  Seriously.  This is my sanity... literally and figuratively.  I know that someday I may not be able to run, but today is not that day... and for that I give thanks.
4) Hayden.  For someone who has started from step 1, and had never handled a power tool... and built a company into what he is taking care of today, I am truly amazed and impressed.  He has given up much for me, and I am grateful for his listening ear, his BFF status for me, his crazy work ethic, the friend and listener he is to my kids, and the amazing dad he is to his girl who pretty much think he is THE KING.
5) My job.  I know... I'm weird to love teaching jr high, but it is where I feel I truly make a difference.  My students love me and I love them (most of the time... with the exception perhaps of block days... and maybe sometimes not during 7th period ;)  I have some amazing co-workers who make my job more bearable because they are in my life.
6) Wade.  This kid has grown so much this past year... both in inches and in character.  He is the peacemaker OF THE WORLD and is willing to sacrifice whatever his opinion is for the benefit of others... which is admirable, but more admirable is how much he has learned to speak his mind, and have a say.  And when Wade is around... he is THE KING, and Hayden has to step down from that status.
7) Ability to be introspective.  I hope I never lose being able to take other people's feedback and process it, and decide what really applies to me, and how I can become a better person from it.
8) Aspen.  Holy cow.  This girl makes me grateful EVERYDAY!  She is the "cleaner" of the house as of this past week or two, and if I don't watch, she has moved my stuff to wherever she has decided is "the place" for it.  She has more energy than a herd of chickens (or a classroom full of 12 year olds), and somedays my gratitude is just in having her fall asleep early.  I love her, and she gives love so freely to everyone.
9) Great people in my life.  I have some pretty amazing friends, I have an AWESOME set of in laws that anyone should be envious of, and I have some wonderful people I'm related to that would give their shirts off their back for ANYONE... and sometimes do for  me.  I love you guys, and I truly do appreciate having you in my life!  Thanks Arica, Becky, Jocelyn, Frank & Debra and Kara.
10) Brenden.  Serving a mission in Canada, and I have forgotten how much I took for granted just being able to see him when I felt like it (even if it did require a 3 hour drive).  Aspen is counting down the days to see him, and I know he is going to be such a great missionary.

Brenden, Park City and a Banjo

My missionary boy takes off for Canada in five minutes.  Kinda strange that I wrote my LAST easy "dearelder" letter to Brenden yesterday (they can be written and delivered on the same day) and the last $2 package that I could send was delivered on Saturday. Now I'm going to be spending time at the post office, and Brenden will actually get letters with stamps on them, instead of printed off of the internet. Which means he will get more lovely pictures from Aspen as well...lucky him.  I heard from him this morning, but it was frustrating because his calls kept dropping.

It has been a crazy week. We did go to Park City with Mary, and even Wade was able to come. We stayed at the Marriott, swam, and went shopping at the outlets. The highlight of the trip was the alpine slide and the lift ride to the top of Deer Valley combined with the hike down the side of the mountain to the bottom. For the mountain adventure, I didn't exactly plan great, and wore my Nike flip flops for the trip, and decided to make the hike down anyway. My feet were horribly filthy by the top we reached the bottom of the 2.5 mile trail, but other than that, my feet felt pretty good. The alpine slide was fun too. Wade and Aspen rode on one cart and raced me down the mountain. Aspen hates to lose, and every time I was a little bit ahead of them, she was start yelling at Wade to speed up. I think she gets her competitive nature from Hayden :) 

Hayden & Aspen

Walking Sticks... an essential

My hiking attire :)

Wade and Mary at the bottom of the switchbacks

Only two weeks left until school starts and I'm trying to ignore it's impending approach every day. I always get emotionally a mess (I know, shocker...) this time of year because of all the stuff that I end up still wanting to do before the summer ends. This year is no exception. Wade and I still need to get to the top of Mount Timpanogas, and I have lots of sewing still to do. Wade is at cross country camp today through Wednesday, so he will be back on Friday...that gives us two weeks to try to get to the top. Oh yeah, and try to get to Lagoon too sometime with my tickets I won. 

Wade went and worked with Hayden this past week, so he earned enough money to finish saving for his.... BANJO! It's been kinda cute watching him try to figure it out. He had to take it home yesterday to show it off.

Summer Lovin'

It's 5:50am and I have already been to the gym, and Hayden is already gone to work. Wade has been back North since Monday when I took him to the train in SLC.  I had him come twice to our 5am workouts while he was here, and he thought that was pure torture.  He did say that one of the things he misses from being in Tremonton during the summer, is that they don't make him exercise. So... in my "motherly" way that I have... I have come up with a "long distance workout plan" for Wade. If he runs 7/9 of the days he is there before coming back here, I have offered him an itunes gift card. So far, he has 2/3 days down... :)

carriage ride @ birthday party

We had Aspen's birthday party on Tuesday. It was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.!!! My definition of beautiful means stress free. Other than getting the kids to the party, because we had to pick up a few, everything was done for us. They rode ponies, fed all the animals, had a carriage ride, ate cake, opened presents, and played. Now I don't have to listen to her and all her birthday party plans... for about a week, anyway, then she will start planning her next one. 

She stayed at Grandma Fraser's for a couple days last week, but she never makes it more than a couple nights before she is dreadfully homesick. Sure enough... her Sunday return home date had to be moved to Saturday, and that was pushing it. Friday night she was in tears on the phone begging to come home. We definitely took advantage of having her gone. Thursday we went to the Toby Keith concert, Friday I got a manicure, did a "long"-ish run on Saturday, ran a million errands, and got her birthday party plans taken care of. 

We took Wade for a little IKEA initiation last week. He had never been before, and I was pretty sure by the time we ended that he was just going to pack a bag of stuff and move into one of the little model apartments they have set up. 

Our fridge... with an artist in the house.

Aspen got her first bee sting last week as well. She was poking a stick in the hammock stand and apparently there was a hornets nest just inside the hole. We knew something had happened because the scream that came from the backyard was HORRIFIC. Seriously. A bee sting and the loss of a leg sound pretty close to the same thing, I'm sure. Aspen isn't dramatic at all. :)  After a good dose of bee-spray, we killed off a few nests hanging around the back yard.

Punching ball

I have a half marathon on Saturday in AF Canyon. I haven't really trained for it, but then again... I hadn't really trained for Ogden and I managed to pull out a PR on a marathon and felt GREAT afterwards. Something to be said for cross training I guess. 

Brenden is in his third week at the MTC, and is district leader.  His companion had to be sent home for medical reasons, so he has been adjusting to a new partner.  I have been guilty of driving by the MTC very slowly and looking for him when I have to be in Provo for meetings or whatever.  Aspen misses him already.  His blog address is elderoxborrow.blogspot.com.  I post his letters there as they come in.

Happy #5 to My Little Spit-Fire

My little fire-cracker.

 Painter and artist (especially of animals and people).

Dare-devil and stunt man (hanging upside down on your swing by your legs with no hands)

Determined little gal.

Homesick after 3 days... yes, even at Grandma's house.

Daddy's little princess.

Trampoline master (still trying to not land on your head on your "flip")

Lover of going on walks... even when it's 92 degrees.

Particular little bugger... who REFUSES to wear any color of pant that doesn't match EXACTLY with her top (and jeans don't match ANYTHING).

Photogenic girl.

Runner wanna be.

Diva.  Fashionista. 

Creative little story teller.

Pouty little fits (onto her bed) when she doesn't get her way.

Chocolate milk lover.

Cuddle bug... kiss giver... affectionate.

Misses her dogs and her space when she is away.

Daddy's little fellow beach bum.

Her brother Wade's little shadow.

We sure love you.

Thanks so much for loving us... literally.

Summer craziness

This week has been a crazy week here. Aspen has her last day of swim tomorrow, and is in the second level of the 6 year old swim class. She is an animal. Today she showed off her backstroke, front crawl and her treading water (which she says is the hardest).

beautiful "V" of 100+ pelicans flying into town

Kara and her family went to Lake Powell this week (on Tuesday), and because my schedule was so busy, and Hayden had work all week, we passed on the invite. When Wade found out that there WAS an invite (on Monday night... of course) he had a little bit of a nervous breakdown about missing this year. So Tuesday morning at 5am, we drove to meet Kara in Price, and then I drove back, took Aspen to reading class, swim, etc, etc... it was a long day.

Climbing a tree in a dress... cause she can

I had Wade come to a treadmill class yesterday. He LOVED LOVED it. I think the speed work we did made him feel like he was as fast as he would like to be... if even for just 4 minutes at a time. He put in 10 miles in 80 minutes.

I have a race next weekend... a good way to give myself a birthday present a day early. I will probably be running it solo, because my marathon buddy, Arica, has an injury and is struggling to do a half mile.

Aspen's birthday is on Saturday, so I better START TOMORROW planning the party she has been talking about for over three months, in order to pull off a party by Tuesday. Hayden is trying to find her a swing set on KSL. She is trying to do a flip on the tramp this week, and has landed on her head more than once. She keeps begging me to get her in gymnastics, and talks about all the wonderful flips she will be able to do once she gets in. Yeah... I guess I better get on that tomorrow too.

Next week Morgan and Wade will be gone...so I will be having my typical "mom" meltdown of loneliness for the first couple days. Then I hope to get a few things sewn that I have been putting off.