Until 2016...

I said goodbye to this kiddo last Wednesday.  It's been a hard couple of days before he left.  I noted that it would be the last night I could call and talk to him, the last morning that I could send him music, the last time I could cut his hair or rub lotion on his poor chapped hands.

It was good to see that he and his brother have grown so much closer since Brenden has been home than before they were when Brenden left two years ago.  Aspen just thinks Wade walks on water, but the entirety of the day didn't hit her until we had left the airport and she sobbed and sobbed.

I, of course, am a huge big baby and cry over EVERYTHING... and this was no exception.

I cried over our last selfie.
I cried over his smell that I won't have for awhile.
I cried just to touch him.

I've already had days when I just thought, "oh, Wade would love this song, I'll call him".  Somehow letters just don't send the same sentiment.  Emails might, but the stinker hasn't sent an email to his mother, and I'm going on 9 days.

If I don't get one soon (today) I think I'm planning an emergency trip to Mexico just to check on him.

A little turkey... A lot of chaos...

Wow, what a crazy whirlwind, emotional all over the place weekend.  Friday morning was spent preparing what I could for our little family dinner.  Wade was not going to be here for the big event on Thanksgiving day, so we had to make our own version of it before he left.  It was cozy, fun and over too quickly.  Morgan and Greyson made it down, and Brenden's girlfriend Ashley joined us as well.

The chaos part of the weekend hadn't even gotten started yet.  Soon after dinner I had an emotional (again) interaction with my dad that left me in tears, and him hanging up on me on the phone.  Oh that he could ever get over the past choices of my life that apparently haunt him so much.

Saturday morning I had to get in a run while everyone got ready for family pictures at 9am.  I blow dried sweaty running hair for pictures and we headed out the door, hoping to beat the big storm that was blowing in.  We arrived at our location, but our photographer did not.  I texted and called her and her husband, and then checked my messages.  I had made plans with her for the following Saturday, not the Saturday that we were all sitting in the car ready for.  So I decided to come up with plan B.  I found a photographer already out taking pictures of another family, and asked her to take ours.  She did, until we got rained out... but the pictures so far are ones that I am in love with.  Lucky break on our part.  While all of this was happening, my brothers were back at the house putting in 2 basement windows and setting the shower base in the downstairs bathroom for me.  When we got back from pictures, they left for the BYU football game, and left me with 3 extra kiddos.  Needless to say, mentally I was a mess.  My house was a mess, I had noise everywhere and no personal space.  I was still anxious from my phone call the previous night as well.  By the time my brothers' returned, I was SO ready to get out of the house.  Clay and I ran to Costco to do some shopping, and some decompressing.   By Saturday night, everyone had gone their own way, including my kids (with the exception of Aspen).

Sunday morning was a mad dash to Tremonton for Wade's farewell.  After picking up Morgan and Greyson, we were hoping to make it to the church soon enough to not embarrass ourselves.  Thankfully, Kara had saved us a couple spots, and we snuck in seamlessly with five minutes to spare before the meeting began.  After hanging out at Ken and Julie's house for some soup, Morgan and I got our last selfies with Wade before taking off for home.  Hard to believe I'm losing my kiddo for 2 years.  Still not totally seeming real yet.

By Sunday night, I was beat.  It was 6 o'clock and I was ready for bed.  But wait... NO!  Bedtime was not to happen for awhile afterwards.  Connor Stewart, a student of mine from 2 years ago, needed some math help, so I stayed up to try to remember stuff long forgotten.  It's amazing how much you can remember once you pull up a few reminders on Google :)

All in all, it was a crazy, emotional, all over the place weekend... one which I am glad is over, but wouldn't have traded for the world.  I sure do love my kiddos!

A car, a torch, a death (for 2 years anyway)

I have 10 days.  10 days until half of my heart goes across the country and to Mexico then on to Honduras for 2 years.  10 days to get as much alternative Indie music as I possibly can added to playlists to survive on while he is gone.  10 days until a small melt-down ensues.  

10 days.

It hurts to think about not having him around.  We've been through hikes and concerts and sad times and great times together.  We have cooked together more than I can even count and had some great discussions. 

I love this boy.  My toe-headed 3 year old that once existed has turned into a 6'1" tall handsome young man.  I'm so proud of him and what he has done with his life thus far.  He has been working on his culinary arts certificate and will have it done early, before he leaves the day before Thanksgiving.  He graduated in May and had played tennis and ran cross country.  He has been loving, open minded and a good listener to my times of stress and anxiety.  He has been my source of off the radar music, and I'm not sure I'm able to pick up the slack while he is away... but I'll try.  His playlist might be endlessly long when he gets back, but I'll try to do his job while he is away doing his.

10 days.

And when I lay down and go to sleep tonight, it will be 9 when I wake.I wonder... if I just don't sleep, does that keep it from happening?

Remember that when I packed your bag, I reached in and buckled up my heart... for you to go away with.  I love you Steven Wade.  Love you to the moon and back.

Jr prom...BRHS

How is it that my (once upon a time) baby is now taller than I am, looking better than ever, and almost done with his junior year?

Scares me how fast life goes by.
I love this kid.
He is the calm to my crazy.

There should be an instagram upload for blogs

Why is it that posting a picture on Instagram is so easy, but doing the same on my blog seems like such a task?  I hope there is a way to upload all of my Instagram into a blog book otherwise, I've done horrible with keeping up to date on my family's activities.

So my goal is to post on my blog each time I post on Instagram. Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts.

We took a little weekend getaway and Aspen found a firepit. This girl seriously cracks me up. If it isn't what she says it's just her cute little behaviors. 
I love this girl.

Gratitude should not be an annual event (note to self)

I was out for my run today, and my heart was full, and I was thinking about all the great and amazing things in my life.  I thought "I need to write these down, before I forget how much I sometimes take them for granted".  So while the rest of the house is in bed full of turkey and pie from the day, I am sitting in bed, intent on not letting my thoughts be forgotten.

This year has been a crazy year with so many changes, so many accomplishments, so many ups and downs.  This had made me come to appreciate some things this year that have heretofore gone unnoticed.

Thoughts of gratitude from my run (in no particular order) (and not all inclusive... just what came to me while running):
1) My kids.  They are as different as the seasons, but each bring its own beauty as the seasons do, as well.
2) Morgan.  I have been able to spend more time with my oldest this past few months, and I forgot how much I love her.  She sometimes makes me want to strangle her, and I know she sometimes thinks I am crazy/weird, but I just really have enjoyed getting to know her again.
3) Running.  Seriously.  This is my sanity... literally and figuratively.  I know that someday I may not be able to run, but today is not that day... and for that I give thanks.
4) Hayden.  For someone who has started from step 1, and had never handled a power tool... and built a company into what he is taking care of today, I am truly amazed and impressed.  He has given up much for me, and I am grateful for his listening ear, his BFF status for me, his crazy work ethic, the friend and listener he is to my kids, and the amazing dad he is to his girl who pretty much think he is THE KING.
5) My job.  I know... I'm weird to love teaching jr high, but it is where I feel I truly make a difference.  My students love me and I love them (most of the time... with the exception perhaps of block days... and maybe sometimes not during 7th period ;)  I have some amazing co-workers who make my job more bearable because they are in my life.
6) Wade.  This kid has grown so much this past year... both in inches and in character.  He is the peacemaker OF THE WORLD and is willing to sacrifice whatever his opinion is for the benefit of others... which is admirable, but more admirable is how much he has learned to speak his mind, and have a say.  And when Wade is around... he is THE KING, and Hayden has to step down from that status.
7) Ability to be introspective.  I hope I never lose being able to take other people's feedback and process it, and decide what really applies to me, and how I can become a better person from it.
8) Aspen.  Holy cow.  This girl makes me grateful EVERYDAY!  She is the "cleaner" of the house as of this past week or two, and if I don't watch, she has moved my stuff to wherever she has decided is "the place" for it.  She has more energy than a herd of chickens (or a classroom full of 12 year olds), and somedays my gratitude is just in having her fall asleep early.  I love her, and she gives love so freely to everyone.
9) Great people in my life.  I have some pretty amazing friends, I have an AWESOME set of in laws that anyone should be envious of, and I have some wonderful people I'm related to that would give their shirts off their back for ANYONE... and sometimes do for  me.  I love you guys, and I truly do appreciate having you in my life!  Thanks Arica, Becky, Jocelyn, Frank & Debra and Kara.
10) Brenden.  Serving a mission in Canada, and I have forgotten how much I took for granted just being able to see him when I felt like it (even if it did require a 3 hour drive).  Aspen is counting down the days to see him, and I know he is going to be such a great missionary.

Brenden, Park City and a Banjo

My missionary boy takes off for Canada in five minutes.  Kinda strange that I wrote my LAST easy "dearelder" letter to Brenden yesterday (they can be written and delivered on the same day) and the last $2 package that I could send was delivered on Saturday. Now I'm going to be spending time at the post office, and Brenden will actually get letters with stamps on them, instead of printed off of the internet. Which means he will get more lovely pictures from Aspen as well...lucky him.  I heard from him this morning, but it was frustrating because his calls kept dropping.

It has been a crazy week. We did go to Park City with Mary, and even Wade was able to come. We stayed at the Marriott, swam, and went shopping at the outlets. The highlight of the trip was the alpine slide and the lift ride to the top of Deer Valley combined with the hike down the side of the mountain to the bottom. For the mountain adventure, I didn't exactly plan great, and wore my Nike flip flops for the trip, and decided to make the hike down anyway. My feet were horribly filthy by the top we reached the bottom of the 2.5 mile trail, but other than that, my feet felt pretty good. The alpine slide was fun too. Wade and Aspen rode on one cart and raced me down the mountain. Aspen hates to lose, and every time I was a little bit ahead of them, she was start yelling at Wade to speed up. I think she gets her competitive nature from Hayden :) 

Hayden & Aspen

Walking Sticks... an essential

My hiking attire :)

Wade and Mary at the bottom of the switchbacks

Only two weeks left until school starts and I'm trying to ignore it's impending approach every day. I always get emotionally a mess (I know, shocker...) this time of year because of all the stuff that I end up still wanting to do before the summer ends. This year is no exception. Wade and I still need to get to the top of Mount Timpanogas, and I have lots of sewing still to do. Wade is at cross country camp today through Wednesday, so he will be back on Friday...that gives us two weeks to try to get to the top. Oh yeah, and try to get to Lagoon too sometime with my tickets I won. 

Wade went and worked with Hayden this past week, so he earned enough money to finish saving for his.... BANJO! It's been kinda cute watching him try to figure it out. He had to take it home yesterday to show it off.

Summer Lovin'

It's 5:50am and I have already been to the gym, and Hayden is already gone to work. Wade has been back North since Monday when I took him to the train in SLC.  I had him come twice to our 5am workouts while he was here, and he thought that was pure torture.  He did say that one of the things he misses from being in Tremonton during the summer, is that they don't make him exercise. So... in my "motherly" way that I have... I have come up with a "long distance workout plan" for Wade. If he runs 7/9 of the days he is there before coming back here, I have offered him an itunes gift card. So far, he has 2/3 days down... :)

carriage ride @ birthday party

We had Aspen's birthday party on Tuesday. It was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.!!! My definition of beautiful means stress free. Other than getting the kids to the party, because we had to pick up a few, everything was done for us. They rode ponies, fed all the animals, had a carriage ride, ate cake, opened presents, and played. Now I don't have to listen to her and all her birthday party plans... for about a week, anyway, then she will start planning her next one. 

She stayed at Grandma Fraser's for a couple days last week, but she never makes it more than a couple nights before she is dreadfully homesick. Sure enough... her Sunday return home date had to be moved to Saturday, and that was pushing it. Friday night she was in tears on the phone begging to come home. We definitely took advantage of having her gone. Thursday we went to the Toby Keith concert, Friday I got a manicure, did a "long"-ish run on Saturday, ran a million errands, and got her birthday party plans taken care of. 

We took Wade for a little IKEA initiation last week. He had never been before, and I was pretty sure by the time we ended that he was just going to pack a bag of stuff and move into one of the little model apartments they have set up. 

Our fridge... with an artist in the house.

Aspen got her first bee sting last week as well. She was poking a stick in the hammock stand and apparently there was a hornets nest just inside the hole. We knew something had happened because the scream that came from the backyard was HORRIFIC. Seriously. A bee sting and the loss of a leg sound pretty close to the same thing, I'm sure. Aspen isn't dramatic at all. :)  After a good dose of bee-spray, we killed off a few nests hanging around the back yard.

Punching ball

I have a half marathon on Saturday in AF Canyon. I haven't really trained for it, but then again... I hadn't really trained for Ogden and I managed to pull out a PR on a marathon and felt GREAT afterwards. Something to be said for cross training I guess. 

Brenden is in his third week at the MTC, and is district leader.  His companion had to be sent home for medical reasons, so he has been adjusting to a new partner.  I have been guilty of driving by the MTC very slowly and looking for him when I have to be in Provo for meetings or whatever.  Aspen misses him already.  His blog address is elderoxborrow.blogspot.com.  I post his letters there as they come in.

Loud

Guns N' Roses in town... 

With my 3 favorite guys...

Yes please.

 What was more entertaining than watching an old washed up "has been" try to belt out the same songs and notes as he did 20 years ago, was watching my boys love every minute of it.  Unfortunately, he took the stage at 11pm, so Hayden and I didn't last the entire concert.  Even Wade ended up asleep in Brenden's truck before the final song.  Brenden, however, stayed until the last piece of tinsel fell from the ceiling.  

My real entertainment came when I got to introduce Brenden to Sonia Leigh and take him to see Hayden's favorite band, Zac Brown.  

Great show.

Great musicians.

Great entertainers.  

I think we have increased Brenden's musical selection... at least improved on it greatly :)

Captain Wade

On a whim, we took an overlook picture on our first hike this summer to Mt. Olympus.  It seemed like a great way to document our adventures we had on our hikes.

Next summer... Mount Timpanogas!

Donut Falls

 We made it to Donut Falls on Labor Day.  It was crazy busy.  Wade doesn't remember that we took him here in 2004.  I had to send him pictures to prove it.  Aspen has become quite the little hiker this summer. This trail was easy for her (except for the face-plant into the dirt toward the end of the trip...side-effect of running on a rocky trail).

 The weather was perfect.  

Hayden was a good sport.

Wade and I climbed up to the falls (and gave Hayden more gray hairs than he already has).

The trail took it out of her.