Sunday, May 22, 2011

End of an era & growing pains

Hard to quite describe the emotions and feelings of this past weekend.  My son finished his high school running career at state, running in the 1 and 2 mile.  This marks the end of a 3 year running era that has left his name in the books, Bear River high school with a cross country title, 2 regions championships, several individual medals and honors, and many ventures to fields and tracks across the state to watch him run.  He finished 12th in both races, but it wasn't so much the time or the place of his finish that brought out my emotions, as it was seeing him disappointed with his finish.  There is no more "next year" to prove himself or to do better.  How much more can he ask of himself than to put it all on the line at the end of the day?  Not much.  I am so proud of him and the running legacy he has left behind.  It has been a pleasure to watch him run, to cheer him on, to share in his nerves of every race.  He is not the most demonstrative child when it comes to affection, and I am a bawl baby, so while he keeps his feelings regarding the end of his running career to himself, I just cry.
Cry because I hate to see him disappoint himself.
Because I will miss seeing him race and run.
Because I fear he will put running away and lose the love of it.
Cry because my little boy full of attitude and sarcasm and spunk is moving on.
Because his summer will be spent 2000 miles away from me, working in Alaska.
Because life goes on and babies grow up.
As this marks an end of an era, a new one begins.  Wade ran this year as a freshman, and will be running again next year.  And three years from now, I'm sure I'll feel this way again... sad and excited to see him grow up and move on.
I love you guys!
You will always be my little boys.


Julie L said...

I believe our children's emotions become magnified inside our own. Their disappointments are more keenly felt by their mothers and so are their successes. He's done such a terrific job with his running career in high school, I sincerely hope he does not put it aside but holds on. There are so many races ahead in the future, and they aren't all on the track. I wish him and you both the best of luck and God's help in getting through them.

Arica said...

So emotional. Sometimes I think being a mom is so hard. I just went through a similar thing with Scout and Pre-school graduation. Not quite the same as high school but those "mom" emotions, they get you every time!

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