Friday, August 28, 2009

unstable... temporarily

It happens every year. My poor husband can attest to it...

Because he has to ENDURE it.

Good ole' Back to school. Where weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (on my part) are prevalent. Now let me clarify, before you start thinking I'm a spoiled teacher who cries when they have to end their luxurious summer vacation in order to go back to the 8-3 job (with weekends and holidays off). I love my job. I feel like I make a difference, and have not grow tired of it even being 1/3 the way through my 30 years. I love the kids. Yes, even THAT kid, that no other teacher can handle. AND it isn't the end of summer, per say, that brings about such a strong reaction, because I LOVE fall. I love football, pumpkins, sweaters, cooler weather, and all that come with it. And, actually, I couldn't quite figure out what exactly it was about going back to school had me in such an emotional mess until Hayden went walking with me one evening, and helped me figure it out.

THIS is the part of back to school I dread:
  • I begin my 9 months of being a "visitor" parent with my boys, instead of being able to the MOM that nags them to finish their homework, pick up their socks, and for "Pete's sake... take a SHOWER". No matter how many times I begin school, this part only gets harder.
  • 6am in June is almost too sunny for a morning run. 5:30 is when I have to run in order to beat the sun. NOW that school started, 6 am is pitch black. And I'm having a rough time adjusting to dark running. And colder weather is just around the corner, which is another zapper of motivation to my already dwindling supply.
  • I CAN never get done all the things I want to do in a summer with the kids. Doesn't matter what we DID do, I see The list of unchecked items on our summer bucket list, and they haunt me. Literally. I dream about them for weeks after school starts. Mother guilt.
So I'm looking at the bright side. Cross country season just started, so there will be lots of chances to see the boys and cheer them on. Also, I am considering a race in October, and the OGDEN MARATHON in May in order to keep my motivation in check. And lastly... as my husband teaches me on a daily basis... I'm going to chill. Relax. Go with the flow. Breathe.


Emily said...

Hang in there... it's all about adjusting to everything again. You are a GREAT mom, teacher, & wife! It's a challenge to balance all those roles. You're amazing... enjoy teaching for me... I am struggling this week and really miss it..:(

LaurieJ said...

I feel like I could've written this post...
You expressed my feelings about fall and dark running perfectly!

And I wish there were more teachers out there like you!

Colbys said...

If you do your teaching well, your mothering well and your wife-ing well, you will be just perfect.

kimg said...

I truly understand all of your conflicting feelings. I share most of them too. Maybe you need to start making only a list of all the things you DID do during the summer. Good luck with the new year!

The H E N R I E Seven said...

WHAT!!!??? The Ogden Marathon! You GO GIRL! I just started running again after taking the entire month of August feels great! I started running with a friend, I have always ran alone and I am actually enjoying running and talking (it makes the time go by MUCH faster!) I have to get back on The Daily Mile again!

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