Day 5: A favorite Quote

One of my favorite quotes comes from John Greenleaf Whittier.

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: "It might have been"

I watched a video many years ago of my wedding reception.  People came through my line, and I hugged and loved on many friends and family.  My grandpa came through, and unbeknown to me at the time, I shook his hand and turned away from him looking for the next person in line. 

I cried watching this clip.

My Grandpa was not a hugely affectionate person. He had a stern personality, but I never wanted to lose him without his not knowing how much I truly loved him. 

I made it up to him before died.

I visited more often.

I hugged and kissed him each time I saw him after that. 

But what if I hadn't seen that video?

At one point in my life I had 3 young children, ages 6, 3 and a newborn.  Life had boiled down to a series of tasks.  Laundry, dishes (with no dishwasher), vacuum, baths, diapers, mow, dishes (again), garden, dinner, etc.  

I just wanted an hour to myself to sew or whatever. 

I wished they would be old enough to entertain themselves for an hour.

Well... I wished, and my wish came true.

They were toddlers no more.

Fast forward 14 years.

I have a 3 year old, and I see remnants of the toddlers that I once took for granted. 

Every day that passes I breathe her in.  

I smell her hair. 

We cuddle.

I tickle her face.

We read books. 

I hold her in the shower.

We sit on the heater and watch movies.

Sometimes my laundry gets to wait while I love on her.

Dinner sometimes gets to be made from a box so we can play blocks.

I do my best to make up those moments with my kids... but its a bit more difficult with a bunch of teenage boys. But we cook, play games, and spend time together that would have gone unnoticed had I not had a 3 year old to remind me what I took for granted.

I mourn the days that I lost with my little ones because I was too caught up in "being productive".

I won't let "what might have been" haunt me.

I've been trying to intervene.  

To find things that I might regret someday and make a difference now.

I'm sure there are things I'm not aware of... I'll tackle those as they come.