Thursday, November 19, 2009

tired

I've been tired lately.  Tired and unmotivated.  I manage to get things done at school and around the house, but only just barely.  I haven't taken out my sewing machine for a couple weeks now... my spray paint cans have gone untouched for more than a week... and my scrapbooking... HA! Yeah, right.  I notice how quickly life passes and kids grow up and I try to hold onto every minute, and stop the world from turning (so Aspen doesn't get a day older).  However, lately, I just anxiously anticipate the oncoming weekend, the next break, the next reprieve from obligation and having to think.  Sleeping and crying sound really good about now.  Neither of which work while behind my desk at school.

I know why I'm this way.  But knowing it doesn't help.  It comes from having a front row seat to a train wreck that is inevitable.  There is not much I can do about it, except for have my medic kit ready to help any survivors...  the one survivor... the ONLY survivor that matters.

Maybe if I could step in front of the train, I could save the passenger on board.  I would.  Mothers do that sort of thing, if necessary.   I wish it was possible.  I can see why the Savior was willing to do what he did for us.  His pain meant ours was lessened.  For this I am grateful...

That which does not kill us will make us stronger.  Right?

2 comments:

Ryan and Debra said...

I hope that you get a good nights rest and that things look better in the morning:)

kimg said...

life sure isn't fun sometimes, huh. i hope things are getting better. i'll keep you in my prayers.

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